Buses come and go. Cars mostly come, stay a while, and go. People come from all over Southern California, going from one point of the compass to another. They travel to work, school, home, store, and who knows where. They are cheerful, irritated, tire, talkative, boisterous, and nearly immobile. Some are regulars: same bus, same drive, same riders. some are single shot commuters, often lost and asking questions. Some smell, whether of bathed-in perfume or things impolite to mention. Some share life, while others remain closed and private. Some stare like zombies, straight ahead, a bit creepy, likely bored or asleep.

We are all just passing through, at various frequencies and for sundry purposes. None of us lives here, though I suspect a few come close. “Here” is a multi-directional intersection, where life touches life, whether deeply or barely.

Waiting—Synonyms
Wait, tarry imply pausing to linger and thereby putting off further activity until later.

• Wait usually implies staying for a limited time and for a definite purpose, that is, for something expected: to wait for a train.

• Tarry is a somewhat archaic word for wait, but it suggests lingering, perhaps aimlessly delaying, or pausing (briefly) in a journey: to tarry on the way home; to tarry overnight at an inn.

As part of the Los Angeles public transit culture, I have learned how to wait. Every weekday morning, I wait in the dark, with the intent of riding two buses to work. Nearly every weekday evening, I wait, usually in the sun, with the intent of riding two buses home. I can wait like a champ--most of the time.

On the other hand, my ability to tarry is inadequate. The “most of the time” mentioned above reveals this deficiency: As difficult as it is to wait, to tarry is more difficult still. Tarrying requires a certain comfort with self and circumstance, a willingness to rest. I can do this infrequently: I expect over ten years of education has developed a drive to fill the available space. If I have nothing to read or write on my bus rides, I feel a bit anxious.

I think this is unhealthy. The remaining problem is how to heal.

How do you tarry?

I base most of my decisions on assumptions. So do you. If this were not the case we would be stymied every time we had to buy groceries. Assumptions are good when based on a correct view of reality; they cause problems when based on a false view of reality.

I want to uncover the assumptions underlying my view of what it looks like to be whole, healthy humans in the actual world. Below is a gathering of questions that have come to mind.

• Who is involved?
• Who cares?
• Who is thinking about this?
• Who is leading the charge?
• What practices logically flow from this?
• What beliefs support this?
• What is the intended end?
• When should this be done?
• Where should this take place?
• How should one respond?
• How should this be accomplished?
• Why should this be done?

Many more questions could be asked.

What are your questions?

When I was in elementary school, every February 14 (or on the nearest school day), I and my classmates would bring valentines for everyone as a sign of friendship, or at least of acquaintance. To this day, I'm not sure of the purpose, except maybe cultural training. Who knows, maybe the schools were paid off by card manufacturers and it was all a marketing ploy. (I know, I'm just a bit cynical.)

I do know this: if you did not get a card you felt hurt and if you did not bring cards you were on the outs. Strong cultural expectations and a very real hunger for connection demanded compliance.

Hunger for Connection

We all hunger for connection; this is the deeper truth behind the practice of giving cheesy valentines to elementary classmates. Whether romance, friendship, or otherwise, every human, unless deeply damaged, hungers for connection with other humans.

Society has developed multiple means to satisfy the hunger.  Meat market expertise, Facebook friend count, and Twitter follower count are taken as evidence of connection. American culture is saturated with the search for love.  Pop music, movies, television, and dating/relationship services have romance as their common theme.  Social media continue to grow.  Third place is a foundation for business.  Family is continually redefined.  Technology has made too easy to slip in to shallow relations.

Love is Difficult, but Basic

Real relationship is hard and often painful work, for it involves caring for someone who sometimes bugs the whats-it out of you. It involves unloading your stuff, not knowing whether the other will use it to hurt you. It involves hearing someone else's stuff, when there is little you can to do about it. It means working through misunderstandings and disagreements when it really is easier to walk away.

But love is basic. It is not an optional activity that we do if we have the time or inclination. It is not a warm fuzzy feeling we put on and take off like a favorite sweater.

Despite the continual search, unencumbered, soul-to-soul love often remains elusive.  The hunt continues, while pale imitations numb wounded souls.

This coming Sunday is Valentine's Day.  Many will enjoy the traditional activities of cards and candy, flowers and dinners.  Others will be reminded of their loneliness.

Let us all make sure our love goes deeper than tradition and wider than affinity.

“It's just how I feel.” We've all heard it; we've probably said it. But what if the “just” is out of place? What if we are held responsible for our emotions?

This is a frightening thought. I know too often I react with irritation at something that does not warrant such a response. The emotion occurs without my direct intention: it is just happens.

Frankly, if I'm responsible, then I'm in trouble.

So, if we are responsible, how does that work?

I am a guitar player. I started playing way back in 1974, when I took a summer class at Carnegie Junior High. Two of my earliest tunes were Tom Dooley and Jet Plane. Since those early days, I have played hours upon hours, days upon days. I have trained my body and mind to play guitar. Most of the time when I play now, I don't really think about it. I look at the chord sheet or hear the song in my head and I play. Years of practice translate across fingers and hands into vibrating strings.

After years of playing guitar, I have developed habits. Some of the habits—maybe most—are good. My left hand knows great many of the required chord shapes: the mind thinks a letter, say G, and the hand makes the shape. My right arm knows rhythms and my ears know how to sync my arm with the drums and bass.

Unfortunately, some of the habits are not good. For example, any player who knows proper form will look at my left thumb wrapped around the neck and clack their tongue: my form is usually terrible. My barre chords either depress the bottom strings or the top strings: never both. To change these habits would require new learning—probably to the point of discomfort, if not pain. At the very least, it would require hard work and time.

I could say, “It's just how I play,” but the truth is, I developed these habits of guitar playing. I am responsible for the good and for the bad.

Emotions are the same. We practice them, we feed them, and we develop habits. Just like the habits of guitar playing, changing the habits of emotion requires hard work, time, and probably some pain.

What now?

Guitar playing is a trivial thing and my bad guitar habits are not causing real harm.

Emotional bad habits are not trivial and the damage they cause is all too real. I need my community to help me develop healthy emotions; I suspect you need yours to do the same.

How do you listen to your community's heart?

Most work days, I sit in my cubicle, crunching numbers of some sort.  I do venture out, but only for short stints.  Today was like most days: not much person to person interaction.  This does not mean community did not happen, however, for wherever the web is, there can be some sort of community.

Email was the venue: desperate prayer request, great praise for a hardcase trusting Christ for the first time, and an inside joke with a friend.  The relations are real, even if the geography is virtual.  Still, it is not enough.  On days like this, I miss the deeper face to face.

Where have you seen neighborhood lately?

• How are emotions, concerns, behaviors, and understandings shaped by community?
• What is the influence of spiritual emotions on the functioning of the ekklesia?
• What is the influence of the ekklesia on the development and functioning of emotions in individual believers?
• How does the godly exercise of affections prepare us for life in the consummated Kingdom? As individuals? As community?

• Wikipedia on emotions
• Stanford Encyclopedia of Philosophy on emotion
• "The Holy Spirit and our Emotions" bible.org